Gossip
by Cheria
Summary: Izuru had long decided he wouldn't involve himself in anything to do with gossiping. So he didn't.


Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its contents, Tite Kubo does.

* * *

He'd seen the way they looked at him. At this point and time, he was no longer the lieutenant whose sense of loyalty had been the strongest, but instead the adjutant who could not think for himself. That was how the rumors went. Izuru dubbed loyalty as his greatest trait and strength; the others saw it as his gravest weakness. He refused to accept the latter claim.

The constant gossiping was not helpful in the least. It only worsened his already shaken beliefs.

Izuru had come to the conclusion from unfortunate experience that shinigami were not adequate gossipers. Or they possessed very little self-control. While he had known there were bound to be rumors spreading, it wasn't comforting in the slightest to personally hear the words. It happened whenever he passed them, his presence spurring the need to "chat" amongst one another.

However, it did not surprise him in the slighest that 3rd Division did most of the talking. It was the squad he had been assigned to as an adjutant, and setting a fine example was one of the unspoken rules the top two seaters were expected to bear in mind. It was obvious to even himself that Izuru had bombed that particular golden rule. He lost some respect - but thankfully, not all of it.

He had followed his orders to the end despite how burdening they were. Coat his actions with sugary words, and it seemed like something worth of praise. But he knew. Only the general summary made the deeds he had committed appear positive, but the indepth details told otherwise. He had followed orders; commands set by a traitor. The last part was enough to trigger a few disgusted faces when discussed amongst division members. Izuru had seen them. Not many, but enough to cause him to keep his distance from other squads lest requested by superiors and friends.

Never the less, he attempted to ignore the negative feedbacks on his part, though that proved to be impossibly difficult. He couldn't help but scowl everytime he passed a gossiper or two (eventually he learned to keep a poker face, and that took much effort). It was, he supposed, a good thing he managed to maintain a straight face, considering how he had scared the first few that had realized he heard everything. Initially he had been confused, but Izuru soon came to discover from Shuuhei that his scowl was one of the more intimidating expressions he ever made.

* * *

_Bet you anything he cries himself to sleep._

He hadn't cried after the captains left. The last time he had truly done so was years ago when his parents had died. He had nearly given into the burning sensation accumulating in his throat again during his stay in the cell when he had beaten himself down for drawing his zanpakutou against Momo.

_I hear he drinks too much for his own good and passes out every time._

That had only happened once, and it was during the immediate aftermath of the traitors' departals. Rangiku had invited him. He had simply taken advantage of the soothing atmosphere to be rid of the guilt for some period of time.

_Did you notice how much he buries himself in his work?_

That was to be expected, 3rd Division's captain had left. He was doing two times the work than for any average lieutenant - Shuuhei and Momo understood his situation very well.

_You can hear clanging in the 3rd Division's training area. He's the only one there, he's probably tossing things around and throwing a fit._

He had thrown fits in the past, but that stir of violence dissipated some time ago. He wasn't there by himself. Some of the fellow lieutenants - namely Shuuhei, but Renji also came from time to time - often offered to spar with the blond to take his mind off the stress. It helped, though the people on the receiving end remarked frequently how rambunctious and reckless Izuru acted during the fights. He couldn't care any less.

_He's smiling more often. Poor thing must be trying to cope._

On the contrary; ever since the captains left - _his_ captain - the atmosphere around him seemed to have been lifted partially somewhat. It was neither suffocating nor tense anymore. His captain's influence had vanished. A small reminiscent still remained, but it felt as though a great weight was lifted off his shoulders. He felt relived; happier.

It was a routine by this time. They would gossip, Izuru would manage to overhear without even attempting to, and retorts would immediately snake their way into his head. It eventually came to his realization that a majority - if not all - of the rumors spread were completely false and a total contradiction to the truth. It also continued to confuse him how he became the center of these kind of talking - Shuuhei and Momo didn't nearly get as much gossiping going around on their part. Thinking back on it, Izuru had come to believe he wasn't the worst one off.

Shuuhei was both a powerful combatant and strong-minded shinigami, easily the defining role model of Seireitei. He was man worthy of respect and admiration, with a friendly attitude and outgoing personality. His own loyalty and admiration towards his captain had been genuine, yet they were left behind as with Momo and Izuru's. Even after all the chaos, Shuuhei maintained his usual character and did his best to keep the 9th Division functioning properly. There was nothing bad to say about the 9th lieutenant. Anyone was capable of seeing that Shuuhei had only done good, and no bad deeds tainted his record. It did not matter he had initially followed one of the traitors during the conspiracy - Komamura and Iba could easily vouch for him, as they were by his side.

On the other hand, Momo was a different yet similar story. She was sweet and innocent, and her generous nature often brought many admirers. Many students at the shinigami academy often wished to be in the 5th Division after meeting her, and everyone understood - Momo was a kindred and soft soul. However, her unmeasurable admiration had been used against herself. Even now she was unable to fully register the fact that _he _had been behind it all. Even after he had stabbed her, she refused to acknowledge it as a genuine act. She was convinced that Izuru's captain was manipulating her own, and Momo was desperate to get him back. When she had attempted assault on a captain during the discovery of a false death, no one held it against her. Each and every spectator were just as shocked, though they lacked the one other feeling she was burdened with. That sheer feeling of ultimate loss.

Izuru was not like the other two. His admiration for his captain was minuscule in comparison to that of Momo's, and he wasn't as attached to the man as much as Shuuhei was with his. He wasn't like the other lieutenants.

He was _obsessed_ with Ichimaru.

It wasn't the typical sort of obsession; the composition was not of love, admiration, or longing. Momo had been guided down a false path to fight for her traitorous captain, as well as defend him without a hesitation. Izuru was lead to something far different. He would fight for his captain, but not from dedication like the 5th Division's adjutant - it was out of the man's influence. Naturally, he was still loyal, but that was it.

Shuuhei and Momo suffered from the betrayal of an idol. Izuru would never understand their pain; his devotion was mostly made up of his loyalty, rather than the lesser portion known as admiration. In the end, they were off far worse than he. And he understood.

Over time he came to also know why the shinigami had the tendency to gossip over him rather than the other lieutenants. It was the fact that he had been used so openly. Everyone was a medium for the conspiracy, but Izuru's role had been the most prominent. Momo had acted out of rage without a thought, Shuuhei was following who everyone thought innocent, and Renji ended up saving Rukia from a certain and pointless death. He had acted on unreasonable orders.

He had been one of the first (if not the only person) to have known of the plot. Given only vauge orders, he was unclear of the men's objective, but he wasn't stupid. Being quite perceptive, Izuru had pieced a majority of it. Yet he hadn't reported it. Many came up with theories as to why.

_Maybe it was because he wasn't sure. No, it has to be fear of being caught red-handed. Perhaps the cause of his hesitation was the fact that there wasn't any solid evidence. He probably thought he would go with them to that place. Or he didn't have a clue, but I highly doubt that._

All wrong.

It was out of his unfailing loyalty. While this appeared the most natural in terms of why one would go with a superior's orders, this never occured to the others out of common sense. Why be loyal to a traitor? They would press that question if he ever revealed his true motivation to do what his captain had asked of him. Then again, there was a slight form of blackmail involved. Momo.

They had told him she would not be hurt in the conspiracy. They knew from the beginning of his infatuation towards the female adjutant since their academy days, and used that to their advantage. He'd admired her from a distance, adored her, loved everything about her, and that seemingly harmless affection brought a heavy consequence as a result. He had been forced to raise his blade against the subject of his adoration, and that wasn't settling nicely in his thoughts. Izuru knew things could have been different had he not allowed his personal feelings to blind his sense of righteousness. The result would have been nearly the same, but the approach may have been different. Maybe Momo would not have been hurt.

He was ashamed of himself. No matter how selfless he meant to be, it always turned out the other way. He helped them just to save Momo out of everyone else from pain. He wished he had taken another approach to the situation so that Momo would truly not have gotten hurt - at least save her from the physical wound her captain had brought upon her. All these wishes, Izuru knew, brought to surface his selfishness. He had only cared for her. Even after all this time when everyone was suffering from the loss of three captains as well as the casualties they had faced, Izuru's attention was only on Momo. Dissecretely, of course.

All this for her, but he knew Momo herself would not have been exactly happy with him. She wasn't last time he checked, but at the time her thoughts were scattered and unresponsive to logic.

Evidently, he was self-centered. He vaguely remembered what he was like during their acamdey days. Izuru was once spirited, ambitious, and downright conceited. How had that changed? He was sure most people that knew him as long as during his days as a student preferred his former self than to his present. That boy had been a more enjoyable and lively company. Now he was a cloud of depression and uncertainty. Over time he had lost all of his self-esteem that he had so cherished in the past, going as far as to self-degration. He couldn't put a finger on when that had started, but he cursed himself again for making a foolish mistake. It was obvious all that had changed. Yet the one thing he constantly dreaded only grew stronger from deep within. And it has now hurt the only woman he had come to truly care for with all his power.

She didn't even know what to think of him anymore. They hadn't exactly spoken to each other since she had waken, but Momo was adament on avoiding him. He'd seen her once, and when their eyes locked, he had seen the confusion. She knew that he knew, had known, that the conspiracy was taking place before anyone else. And he had stopped her in numerous occassions from fighting for her purpose while he did for his own. Momo was oblivious as to how head over heels he was for her, but he knew now that she would never know. He would never tell her. After all, she didn't know how to see him anymore; a friend, an acquaintance, or another traitor.

* * *

Disappointingly, that other dreaded feeling sprouted when Makoto came into the picture. It had been there since the beginning - it just grew stronger when the third seat began shining in the 3rd Division. Jealousy.

He had been envious of the 5th Division captain for as long as he could remember, especially with Momo so caught up with the man. But he had argued such a reaction was natural. Many were jealous of the captains for their awesome power and charismatic character. Izuru was no different. He hoped.

Initially, he had accepted Makoto warmly with his new captain, Amagai. The two were extremely adequate fighters and good-natured. That only made him feel more secure, that perhaps their division was truly getting back together. Even when he had had an outburst and questioned Amagai's choice to keep giving the squad ridiculous duties, the man's speech afterwards was touching. Therefore, when the first training day came around, he had been expecting the session to go well. It wasn't well - it was marvelous. The division came to cooperate with one another easily and efficiently with Amagai's orders and Makoto's assistance. Izuru was in awe.

The first pang of jealousy was when he overheard his division members comparing him to the new third seat. They had been generally polite about it, even silencing the shinigami that had suggested perhaps Makoto would eventually replace him as the adjutant. But the words were hurtful, and he had heard it so clearly. He just had not expected Makoto to come in and attempt to press the man to go reprimand the talkers. Izuru had long decided he wouldn't involve himself in anything to do with gossiping. So he didn't.

For days he could hear various 3rd Division shinigami going around and praising Makoto for his great character and efficiency as a combatant. With all his polite words and gestures, he was practically dubbed a saint.

When the third seater had asked why Izuru's self-confidence was nearly nonexistent, he hadn't known what to do. He froze for a bit, and felt his heart skip a beat. Maybe more than one, if possible. A majority of the shinigami knew that his self-esteem was particularly low - of all the lieutenants, they were sure he had to be the least outgoing - which was a rarity for someone of his rank. That was what had lost him a truckload of respect amongst his peerse, anyway. A vice captain shouldn't be so self-degrading, but he couldn't help it; it was natural for him.

As he stood on the center of the bridge, looking down at the clear water, he could still remember that night. The time when Makoto had insisted on eliminating the hollow, and killing the new recruit in the process. Izuru had protested, adament to protect the younger shinigami, but the third seat had disregarded the man's life, claiming the boy was, of all things, trash. Needless to say, the lieutenant had been absolutely shocked at the new face the man had shown. The heartlessness of his words were stinging and unbearable.

Which was why when it was reported the ledge of the ground had been rigged to cave in, he was immediately suspicious of the double-faced shinigami. He feared the outcome. Another case of betrayal or deception in the 3rd Division would surely make him lose his sanity, if only for a moment. The squad had gone through enough, and not just himself. He didn't want another case of the conspiracy, no matter how minuscule it would be.

And for all his selfishness, Izuru hoped for the first time that the rumors were true. That Makoto was the model shinigami, and not another man full of false promise.


End file.
